hmm... txting buddy?

i'm feeling especially emo. i don't know about ya'll, but i'm the type of person who listens to song lyrics and it's amazing how many songs are relate-able. i mean, songs are just poetry and i'm sure there's a few of us here who write poetry when we are upset. anyway, enough of the high ramblings.

i'm emo because me and the guy who i wrote my first ever post (him and my issues with weight loss were the two reasons i created this blog) don't even fucking talk anymore. he called me like over 2 weeks ago for weed, and he didn't even want to smoke he just wanted to buy it from me. but i pushed myself onto him and asked if he wanted to smoke, because we seriously used to smoke allllll the time, almost daily. despite having a boyfriend, i really fell for this guy. i never listened to my friend when he said this, but now i agree with him and  feel, very very strongly, that straight guys and girls cannot be friends. one always falls for the other and ends up getting hurt in the end, same for friends with benefits. and that's exactly what fucking happened. and for months now i've thought about him daily and have had twinges of pain, but i had been able to ignore it for the most part. but right now i'm just listening to this song by trey songz:

And I wish we never did it
And I wish we never loved it
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now it ain't no way we can be friends

The way it felt no fakin' it
Maybe we were movin' just a little too fast
But what we've done we can't take it back

Ain't no tellin' what we could have been
Ain't no tellin' what we could have been (no)

And if I knew it ends like this
I never would have kissed you cause I fell in love with you
We never would have kicked it
Girl now every things different
I've lost my own recoverin' my friend

and the words to this song are so true. it helps me feel better than i'm not the only person who has fucked someone and because of that fucked up the relationship. it just sucks because deep down i knew this would happen, and so did he. we ever talked about it when we were laying in bed together. he told me from the start he didn't have feelings for me like that and having sex was just a random hook up to him. well now we don't even fucking talk and this shit hurts.
what's even worse is that there's someone who loves me, but sometimes i feel like i don't give him the recognition he deserves. i mean yeah, outwardly i am the perfect gf, yeah i can be moody at times but my issues with this other guy seem non-existent to someone else, but in my head it's the constant personal conflict. and the guy even blocked me from his facebook wall? maybe he has a gf and doesn't want me to know about it? when we were in bed that night he mentioned that i would be upset if he got a gf and we were all smoking together in the future, and i told him i would be pissed but i wouldn't even want to meet her or hear about her. but then again maybe he just thinks i'm a stalker? i have no idea.

i think going back to the gym regularly would be a good idea. i don't know why, but i really just haven't been giving a shit about the gym lately. that would really help relieve some stress, and losing weight will make me happier again.

on that note, does anyone need a texting buddy? i need someone to talk to when i'm about to buy something really sugary on the way to class, give me the extra kick when i'm being lazy at the gym, or someone just to chat with. i'm in the us with verizon, not a TOTAL creeper... unless you want me to be ;) (lol, joke, i'm really not a creeper, just a really confused 21 year old)