10/29/2010 12:12 am

just got back from the gym. did 2.8 miles on the treadmill and 3 weight machines. not as much as i wanted to but... yeah i don't even have an excuse.

today's intake:
faux chik'n patty: 140
2 zucchini fritters: 140
4 hundred calorie snacks: 400 (WTF)
salmon: 100
total: 780
wow, that's a lot. i hate that i wasn't even that hungry and i ate. but, what can i do now? monday and tuesday i liquid fasted, yesterday i kept it under 500 cals but didn't go to the gym.

today bill clinton came to my school to talk. here's a pic of him that i took:

i have a short story due tomorrow, 8 pages or so. i have a few ideas of what i want to write about, but i'm not really looking forward to it. it doesn't help that my neighbors across the hall are fucking loud as hell, and it's thursday so everyone is outside partying in this great non-seasonal weather, while i am stuck inside doing work (aka procrastinating).

fml.

and the scale isn't effing budging and it really sucks. my body is obviously changing and looking better, but i hate not seeing a number drop on the scale. i went to the mall today and tried some clothes on (i'm super broke right now so i didn't buy anything). the size 2 boot cut jeans fit great (i know i've mentioned this before), but the skinny jeans just don't fit right. but i don't really care because i honestly hate skinny jeans. i can't pull them off and i hate falling for fads. just like uggs. it took me forever to finally buy a pair and i had them up on ebay & craigslist not long after. they didn't sell, unfortunately, so i'm stuck with them. :(

anyway, keep updating your blogs so i can have stuff to read. and if you follow me please leave me a comment so i can follow your blogs too.

10/26/10

10:21 pm, second day of my liquid fast. i want to eat right now. i'm not even hungry i just love the way my faux chicken patties and my zucchini fritters taste. but i know once i eat i won't be able to stop. and it's already almost 10:30, AND i didn't go to the gym today. so like leto said on her blog, my plan is to fast on days that i don't go to the gym, and on days i do go to the gym, i'll restrict to an amount close to the number of calories i burn.
weekends will be off days in which i can eat up to 800 calories. this way i'll have something to look forward to and will help me not binge throughout the week.

so yeah my plan tonight is to do some homework while watching chopped and the season premiere of teen mom. my roomie/bf is not here tonight so i have the place to myself. too bad my place is HAUNTED!

10/25/2010

today has been good except for a few things. i woke up at 8 am to study for a midterm, then went to class, studied some more, and took my exam and definitely made an a! then i went to the gym, and this is where my day gets shitty: i got corrected on my form on one of the machines. of course i understand that the girl didn't want me to get injured, but it's the fact that i've been doing that machine like that FOREVER and i knew deep down i was likely doing it wrong, but i didn't care. which means that other people have noticed me doing it wrong, meaning that i've been looking like an idiot ever since i started going to the gym!!! AHHHH, very shitty feeling.

so anyway, i did 3 miles on the treadmill (half walking half jogging), and 5 (3 sets 15 reps each) weight machines. came home and am currently waiting on my clothes to get out of the washer. i don't know why my landlord is so cheap and makes us use the pay washers ($1.25 per use), along with a dryer that doesn't work (i don't dry my clothes anyway). it really makes laundry days few and far between. bad i know, but not living at home anymore means no luxury of having my own washer and dryer!

oh and i'm liquid fasting today, i've had:
carnation instant breakfast (9 am): 150 cals
bottled lipton sweet tea (noon): 140 cals (36g of sugar WHAAAAAAT?!)
water
total: 290 cals

high ramblings- 10/23/10

hi everyone, especially my new followers! sorry i haven't posted in a while, i haven't really had anything interesting to say... i haven't exactly been binging but i haven't been restricting either...
BUT! i have been going to the gym. my legs & arms are sore as sh!t. i've upped my treadmill usage from 2.5 mi./30 mins to 5 mi/1 hour. which isn't anything too impressive- BUT- it means that my body is becoming more efficient. like i said before, i used to be barely able to do 30 mins. on the elliptical, so i need to keep this up.
i also took off my acrylics and i'm not allowing myself to get them until i weigh 120 lbs. ugh i want my acrylics back so bad :( my nails feel naked and my hands look short and stubby! *childish tantrum*

there's a 5k in november that i am most likely going to sign up for as long as i can find a friend to come along. completing a 5k would be a great FUCK YOU to the people who laughed at me when i said i was going to lose weight. and now they're still fat and i'm not (compared to them) ! HAHAHA to you, fatties!
yes i am a very bitter person. i think i'm going to shower and go to the mall.

<3333

10/15/10

today has been a good day. turned in a paper, went to class, and then i went to the mall, bought two turtlenecks, a fleece vest, and another fleece thing-a-ma-bob (tag says parka) from lands end (all size xs w00t). the lady gave me $15 off too, schwing! then i went to american eagle (my fav. jeans) and I FIT INTO A SIZE TWO!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHH BUDDDDY!!!!!!!!! granted, they were tight and my fat was flopping everywhere, but they BUTTONED!!! (god i feel like such a fatass having to specify that)

then i went to the gym, was at 2.40 miles jogging my heart out and started getting nauseous (you see where this is going). i just blew it off and was trying to reach 2.5 mi. then the nausea was getting worse, and at 2.44 i started gagging. i promptly pressed the emergency stop button and ran to the trash can. i had only eaten around 2 (i had a bubble tea (terrible, i know) and about 5 of my bf/roomies french fries) and just threw up some water. there were only like 2 or 3 people within seeing distance, and i was trying to make eye contact with the girl on a elliptical behind me, but she was specifically avoiding looking at me, i think. so i got back on the treadmill and finished my .06 miles, and lifted for about 20 mins.

then i bought weed. BAD I KNOW. but i'm gonna keep the intake down. I PROMISE. i need my size 4's to be extra loose so i can buy some size 2's (i'm fucking broke as shit and my credit card is maxed out... oops).

anyway, i hope all ya'll had amazing days, and remember: THIN IS IN (lamest saying ever, i know).
high ramblings:
no but seriously, if you want to binge, just remember how amazing it feels to be able to fit into a new size for the first time. as you know, it's an amazing feeling. so DONT FUCK IT UP! (i'm mainly speaking to myself here)

ahhh

so, i am officially sick. i guess it's a head cold, if it was the flu i would know, right? and it sucks even more because i only have one class today, and it's supposed to start raining around that time period. walking a mile to class, in the rain, WHILE SICK, is gonna fucking suck.

so i'm almost back down to the weight i was before i started stuffing myself, and i was surprised i didn't gain from yesterday because i ingested THREE FUCKING POUNDS of concord grapes. being from the south, i fucking love muscadine grapes, but they don't have them up north, so i have to settle for the next best thing- concord grapes. which means i definitely went over the 600 cal limit that my lover and i had set for ourselves. but today i honestly feel like shit hole and i can barely taste this hot green tea i made for myself, so hopefully i can keep my intake low/non-existant.
anyway, i hope ya'll are doing fantastic. time to read more blogs. :)
<33333333333

oh, my "bf"/roomie and i carved pumpkins last night. final result:

oh and here's a lady i saw on the street:

pps: this is really fucking embarrassing, but i figure if we can freely talk about laxatives and not eating for days, i can share this. *deep breath* does anyone play neopets/used to play and wants to let me have their old account or be friends in game? i don't LEGIT play, as in spend hours on there, but i do browse around for a little each day and i know that there are a decent number of older players.
anyway, please don't judge me because i play neopets. i also played wow for years (i can attribute my weight gain to this), and i fucking love farmville.

yay

today was a decent day, although i am getting sick (it's possible i might be there already). i spent some time with one of my friends and we just chilled, talked, etc. i did smoke waaaay too many cigs and that mixed with being sick is giving me a huge headache. cigs are gross, i don't even know why i smoke them sometimes. i didn't get to go to the gym, BUT:

intake today:
1 cup of milk with carnation: 150 cals
emergen-c: 25 cals
nyquil

grand total: 175 (edited because i can't count)

see what happens when i don't smoke weed? i get things done. i do want a veggie chicken patty, buuuut i'm not hungry so i'll pass on that.

today is a new day...

how many times have i said that before? but no seriously, today is a new day because i am out of weed and i am not going to buy any until i reach 120. and i know that is a bold statement, but i will still smoke with someone else if they offer. the problem isn't being around others and being high, it's when i go home by myself, get high & then just eat because i have nothing better to do.

i'm getting sick. WTF. i just took my multi-vitamin & day-quil and i'm going to try to find those stupid 100000% vitamin c packets or whatever they are and scarf one down. I CANNOT GET SICK. being sick is just another excuse not to exercise and i can't let that happen!

gym last night was decent. i did 2.5 mi. on the treadmill... again. one day i will up the ante. seemingly ana girl wasn't there, and i was able to lift because i got there right before they closed (night class on mondays). my goal is not really to be super thin, i want to be "toned" (i know everyone thinks that's not a real word) and be able to flex my muscles and win when wrestling guys (always leads to sex).

and i went to the dentist and i have two (small, he says) cavities. i hadn't been to the dentist in... at least 3 years. so two small cavities- can't really complain i guess. which is weird because i never had a cavity until i was like 15.

anyway, i love every single one of you, you are ALL beautiful whether or not you think so.

and DON'T SMOKE WEED OR YOU'LL BE FAT. unless you have massive amounts of will power

what is my problem

so... i hate to admit this, but i fell off the wagon this last week. i was doing great, going to the gym every night, keeping my intake low-ish, but then i bought weed.

BIG FUCKING MISTAKE.

i am seriously done with weed until i reach my goal. of course it's not the weed's fault, it's my fault for fucking being a fatass and not giving a shit while i'm high. there was a time when i could smoke and withhold my appetite, but that doesn't happen anymore so i have got to quit the weed.
i haven't been to the gym in 3 days, but after posting this i'm going. halloween is almost fucking here and i've gained 4 fucking pounds... AHHHHHHH- i feel terrible :( 


edit- just got back from the gym, and even though i didn't do too much (2.5 miles on the treadmill (1.5 jogging) and half an hour of lifting) i feel GREAT! i can't believe that i flake out on the gym... getting up and going there is the actual hard part, afterwards you feel accomplished and great (even though it will take FOREVER for me to lose what i gained just by being a fat little greedy person, shoving my gullet with anything in my pantry... but i digress).


there's this girl who was in one of my women's studies class... she was super quiet, always had this tote that said to go vegan and stuff, and i always see her at the gym KILLING herself, she is getting smaller and smaller (i would say she's about 110 or so), and i feel that she has some type of ed. of course i could be wrong, but i don't think so.  but hey, if she can not be lazy and have determination, more power to her!