I was brainstorming what to write, and then got a paper cut on my NIPPLE, WTF?!?! I just got out of the shower so yes, I am strolling around nude, and had some reading I have to do for homework hanging on my table. I went to scoot up to type, and sliced my poor nipple, owww. :(
In other news, I have ingested a medium iced tea with 4 splendas, a cup of fat free milk with carnation instant breakfast (150 calories), water, and a cup of almond milk. I was flipping crazy over almond milk for 15 minutes, until I found out that each serving has 15 GRAMS OF SUGAR!! Sugar is one thing that I will not allow myself to eat, and seeing that much in one cup is just ridiculous to me. So, after I finish this half gallon I'm done with almond milk, unless they create a sugar free version.
I got my nails done today, acrylic with uv nail gel; my ex actually paid for them :-x. And I hate them! I didn't realize that the gel nails were painted on, and the woman left the white part really short so now my fingers look stubby. It's my fault because I didn't say anything, so I'll just fix it when I get them filled.
Anyway, I have reading to do for class tomorrow, soooo ttyl <33
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
8/31/10
edit: I JUST REMEMBERED IT'S BAR NIGHT!!!! woooooo hoooooooooooooooooo!
I haven't updated in forever, because I suck at life and I haven't been counting my calories like I should. I'm back up to 130.4!! I was fasting yesterday until I got really high at night; instead of going to the gym like I should have, I ate. At least 600 calories worth. So my PLAN for today is liquid fast (coffee, water, ciggies, weed- plus I'm broke, always a good time to fast) and the GYM later. I'm so fking scared to go to the gym. The last time I went was days ago. Since school's back in session it's always packed, but I'm luckily enough to go to a huge college that just opened up another gym that's HUGE and filled with NEW EQUIPMENT!!! So I'm going there later or I'm going to... I dunno, do something dangerous.
In other news, HOW DO I MAKE MY BLOG BEAUTIFUL??? It's so fugly I want to cry. Everyone else has sub-pages and beautiful layouts; I googled layouts for blogspot and even after reading the instructions, I still had no idea how to install them. :( I also don't know the best way to comment on comments- do I comment on my post they commented on, on their latest post, or mention them on my next blog? Everyone does something totally different, and I don't know how to make it notify me when someone comments on their blog that I commented on, so I end up forgetting. :( I read everyone's blog I'm subscribed to, but I never comment because I'm not sure on the protocol!
My ex is not acting emo anymore, thank God. We've actually been hooking up... a lot. And it seems even better than when we were a couple. I know this is just stringing him along. When I find a new guy (and trust me, I've been scoping them out on campus. I haven't seen too many in my classes so far, though. :( I'm honestly looking for a girl, although I've never been with a girl and don't even know how to turn on my game around a girl, haha) he's going to be pissed and upset, and everything is going to hit him at once. But why should I create tension in my apartment? I'll deal with that bullshit when it comes.
Anyway, I don't have class until 2. I could go to the gym and come back with plenty of time to get ready. But I'm lazy. :( Did I lose my appeal for the gym? I don't want to shower, get ready, go to my one class today, go home, go to the gym, and shower again. Yes, I hate showering twice in one day because of my hair. While I love my hair very very much (I think it's my best feature) I can't stand dealing with it when I have no place to go, but I'm always worried someone will call and want to do something, but I'll look like shit. As seen, I worry too much about trivial shit.
I'm going to respond to some comments now, and wallow in my self-loathing until I can take my fatass to the gym.
PS- I love ya'll.
PPS- little rock, did you get my comment on your post? I don't know if you have them set to be approved or if it just didn't post. :-/
I haven't updated in forever, because I suck at life and I haven't been counting my calories like I should. I'm back up to 130.4!! I was fasting yesterday until I got really high at night; instead of going to the gym like I should have, I ate. At least 600 calories worth. So my PLAN for today is liquid fast (coffee, water, ciggies, weed- plus I'm broke, always a good time to fast) and the GYM later. I'm so fking scared to go to the gym. The last time I went was days ago. Since school's back in session it's always packed, but I'm luckily enough to go to a huge college that just opened up another gym that's HUGE and filled with NEW EQUIPMENT!!! So I'm going there later or I'm going to... I dunno, do something dangerous.
In other news, HOW DO I MAKE MY BLOG BEAUTIFUL??? It's so fugly I want to cry. Everyone else has sub-pages and beautiful layouts; I googled layouts for blogspot and even after reading the instructions, I still had no idea how to install them. :( I also don't know the best way to comment on comments- do I comment on my post they commented on, on their latest post, or mention them on my next blog? Everyone does something totally different, and I don't know how to make it notify me when someone comments on their blog that I commented on, so I end up forgetting. :( I read everyone's blog I'm subscribed to, but I never comment because I'm not sure on the protocol!
My ex is not acting emo anymore, thank God. We've actually been hooking up... a lot. And it seems even better than when we were a couple. I know this is just stringing him along. When I find a new guy (and trust me, I've been scoping them out on campus. I haven't seen too many in my classes so far, though. :( I'm honestly looking for a girl, although I've never been with a girl and don't even know how to turn on my game around a girl, haha) he's going to be pissed and upset, and everything is going to hit him at once. But why should I create tension in my apartment? I'll deal with that bullshit when it comes.
Anyway, I don't have class until 2. I could go to the gym and come back with plenty of time to get ready. But I'm lazy. :( Did I lose my appeal for the gym? I don't want to shower, get ready, go to my one class today, go home, go to the gym, and shower again. Yes, I hate showering twice in one day because of my hair. While I love my hair very very much (I think it's my best feature) I can't stand dealing with it when I have no place to go, but I'm always worried someone will call and want to do something, but I'll look like shit. As seen, I worry too much about trivial shit.
I'm going to respond to some comments now, and wallow in my self-loathing until I can take my fatass to the gym.
PS- I love ya'll.
PPS- little rock, did you get my comment on your post? I don't know if you have them set to be approved or if it just didn't post. :-/
Friday, August 27, 2010
8/27/10 *updated*
127.6... wtf
in other news, my boyfriend who i'm taking a break with came back last night, i haven't seen him in over a week in a half. he thought we were just taking a break then getting back together, but i told him that's not what i want. i want to be single. so then he's like, "oh, you don't love me anymore. we can't be in an open relationship and act like we're still together" which i agree with, but we're both on the lease and he won't let me leave but on the other hand he won't leave, so we're going to have to fucking live together. i've been heart broken and it sucks. i'm not trying to deal with some emo person bringing me down just because of how i feel. and living with him isn't going to make it easier for him to get over me, we need to be completely apart. and i know he's going to want to have sex, no matter how hard he says he doesn't want to (aunt flo was here last night), and that's just going to slow down his healing process even longer.
i've been in his situation so many times. i don't want to hurt him, because we've spent over 3.5 years together and he is a GREAT guy. seriously, it's me, not him. but at the same time, i need to find myself and what i want, because these past few years have been strictly me and him. i never thought about any other guys. so maybe i don't love him anymore because i have been with 2 guys after our break? i don't know how i feel. and i can't sort out my thoughts because i have to live with him. luckily/unluckily school starts monday and hopefully i can make some new friends and get out of this fucking apartment.
grrrr i know there are people out there with worse problems, and i'm so lucky that i'm not on the other end of the heartache stick, so why can't i get this shitty feeling out of myself? i feel like a piece of shit. everyone gets their heart broken, and he hasn't. he has to experience heart ache, i'm just sorry it has to be me. :( i can see how upset he is and it breaks my heart. but losing weight has realized that i need to live for ME; not others. i mean i've been with this guy since i was 17, things need to change.
a;skjfaklfjl;ajoiwadjmkjsf;kjas;fkjas
and i think it's worth mentioning that i love blogging. it's not even about weight loss, it's about every fucking thing that i obsess about in my head and end up going crazy about. some of the shit i think and brood on i can't tell anyone i know in real life, so posting online helps, a lot. i've always advocated writing down exactly how one feels when they're upset; it helps get thoughts out of one's head and onto paper, but of course i'm sure everyone knows this.
but reading other's blogs helps me realize that i'm not the only one who has these crazy emotions and it helps me not drive myself crazy.
basically, i think blogging has helped me not go crazy. and i feel like with classes starting it's only going to get crazier.
ps- i love all of you and don't stop blogging or i'll be sad :(
*update- now he's treating me like shit. he doesn't want me to go to the theme park sunday with his family, and he said since I want to be single he's going to treat me like i'm single. guys are so fucked up. one second you love me, and the next second you treat me like a dog. like i can understand he's upset, but you don't need to treat ME like shit. why am i doing all the crying when i'm the one who wants to be single??? wtf
in other news, my boyfriend who i'm taking a break with came back last night, i haven't seen him in over a week in a half. he thought we were just taking a break then getting back together, but i told him that's not what i want. i want to be single. so then he's like, "oh, you don't love me anymore. we can't be in an open relationship and act like we're still together" which i agree with, but we're both on the lease and he won't let me leave but on the other hand he won't leave, so we're going to have to fucking live together. i've been heart broken and it sucks. i'm not trying to deal with some emo person bringing me down just because of how i feel. and living with him isn't going to make it easier for him to get over me, we need to be completely apart. and i know he's going to want to have sex, no matter how hard he says he doesn't want to (aunt flo was here last night), and that's just going to slow down his healing process even longer.
i've been in his situation so many times. i don't want to hurt him, because we've spent over 3.5 years together and he is a GREAT guy. seriously, it's me, not him. but at the same time, i need to find myself and what i want, because these past few years have been strictly me and him. i never thought about any other guys. so maybe i don't love him anymore because i have been with 2 guys after our break? i don't know how i feel. and i can't sort out my thoughts because i have to live with him. luckily/unluckily school starts monday and hopefully i can make some new friends and get out of this fucking apartment.
grrrr i know there are people out there with worse problems, and i'm so lucky that i'm not on the other end of the heartache stick, so why can't i get this shitty feeling out of myself? i feel like a piece of shit. everyone gets their heart broken, and he hasn't. he has to experience heart ache, i'm just sorry it has to be me. :( i can see how upset he is and it breaks my heart. but losing weight has realized that i need to live for ME; not others. i mean i've been with this guy since i was 17, things need to change.
a;skjfaklfjl;ajoiwadjmkjsf;kjas;fkjas
and i think it's worth mentioning that i love blogging. it's not even about weight loss, it's about every fucking thing that i obsess about in my head and end up going crazy about. some of the shit i think and brood on i can't tell anyone i know in real life, so posting online helps, a lot. i've always advocated writing down exactly how one feels when they're upset; it helps get thoughts out of one's head and onto paper, but of course i'm sure everyone knows this.
but reading other's blogs helps me realize that i'm not the only one who has these crazy emotions and it helps me not drive myself crazy.
basically, i think blogging has helped me not go crazy. and i feel like with classes starting it's only going to get crazier.
ps- i love all of you and don't stop blogging or i'll be sad :(
*update- now he's treating me like shit. he doesn't want me to go to the theme park sunday with his family, and he said since I want to be single he's going to treat me like i'm single. guys are so fucked up. one second you love me, and the next second you treat me like a dog. like i can understand he's upset, but you don't need to treat ME like shit. why am i doing all the crying when i'm the one who wants to be single??? wtf
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