*sigh*

don't you hate it when people (one of your "best friends") doubts your weight loss at the start, laughs and says you can't lose weight, and then when you DO lose weight they can never be happy for you?

i mean, i'm sorry you're over 200 lbs with no motivation to lose weight ("i'm waiting until i have more time to completely focus. i'm too busy with school. blah blah *more excuses please*"). i fucking busted my ass and completely changed my life, including a complete overhaul of my eating habits and making the gym routine whereas before i would bitch about even walking to class.

now you're telling me that my size is too small, that you wouldn't be happy even as a size 6? that that is too low for you? that's fucking bullshit considering:
1) you've never seen me at my size (i'm a sz. 2, haven't seen her in a few months because of school)
2) you've never even seen yourself under a size 14

why can't a "best friend" just be fucking happy for me? i try to be polite and motivate her, but at this point, it's pointless. i'm not going to go out on a limb for you just because you hate your fat ass.

so, she sent me a pic of her in her 14s that she hasn't been able to wear in 2 years. i sent her back a pic of me that i took, wearing only undies (it's very flattering). do you know what she had to say?

"you're right, you'll never have an ass"

FUCK YOU. I'm fucking sick of people being hateful and jealous. you don't like how you look? don't fucking take it out on me.

11/7/10

so, i finally updated my ticker to my current weight. i feel like shit that i gained over 3 pounds, buuuut that's what happens.
i believe i've finally come to terms with the fact that if i seriously want to reach my goal weight, i need to stop smoking weed. there are days when i can smoke and resist binging, but those days are rare. i hate to make excuses for eating, and i hate to give people another reason to talk shit on weed smokers, but if i want to get shit done... i need to stop smoking. my plan is to stop smoking during the week and allow myself to smoke on the weekends. i HAVE to do this, not only for my weight, but for my grades and my wallet.

thank god i don't really enjoy alcohol, or i would have the biggest beer gut ever.

anyway... today was good. i went to the gym and did 5 miles on the treadmill (jogging and briskly walking every other half mile) but only did two weight machines. intake is under 500 (seafood salad, 100 calorie snack, a (very) few bites of paneer tikka masala, and some sunflower seeds).

i need more days like today.

wow

i just felt the need to post how angry i am about the fact that a grande, non-fat eggnog latte from starbucks is 450 calories. i'm glad i enjoyed it because i would be much more angry if it was gross. no more eggnog lattes for me.

so the past week and a few days has been bad. the last time i went to the gym was on tuesday. i don't even want to update my ticker to my current weight; it's too embarrassing. i also just got back from getting my acrylics on. i know i was using them as a goal reward, but i had to get them again!! :x

so my plan now is to go tanning and take my fat ass to the gym. what upsets me is that the ~500 cals burnt for 5 miles on the treadmill won't even make up for that latte. luckily though, the latte was the only thing i've had today and that was at 12:30 pm.

*sigh* that latte thing has really bummed me out.