wow, i haven't posted in so long. i'm at my parent's house and it is sucking. my dad has always been an alcoholic but now he works 3rd shift, so when he's awake everyone else is asleep. this is bad because he gets bored and just drinks, and drinks, occasionally takes pills (i don't know the extent of this, but they are prescribed and HIS), falls down, gets hurt, drives drunk, drinks some more, etc. etc.
it's fucking pathetic that i can't even enjoy coming home anymore because i have to see my fucking drunk dad stumbling around like a fucking idiot. i don't know how my mom can stand living with him. it's pathetic and i'm scared he's going to die before i graduate. he has had liver problems in the past, and his drinking of liquor and pills is hard on his liver, and that doesn't include the possibility of getting into a car accident while drunk or falling and hurting himself.
i love my dad so fucking much, i ask him why can't he stop? he tells me he's asked God but God won't help him, i tell him he needs to help himself and he says go fuck yourself.
i'm crying and upset because i want to help him but what can i do? i love him so much and all i can do is sit and watch him kill himself because he is depressed.
we all have our problems but i keep telling myself that some people don't have their dads around, or they beat them or hurt them and that i'm lucky to have had him around so long. but if something happens i don't know what i will do. i'm going to become a hoarder, or a drug addict, or succumb to some dark, downward spiral.
i've never had to deal with the death of someone close to me. my mom keeps telling me not to blame myself because of him. i just don't know what to do, i've only been home for 8 days and 3 of those i was out of town at my friend's houses.
how sad is it that i can't even enjoy being at home for the holidays? i just want to go back to school and my gym, but then when i get there i'll just be putting my problems behind me and looking at other ones. *sigh*
sorry for the emo post, i don't know who else to talk to.
I don't think any body except normal people enjoy being with there family.
ReplyDeleteCheer up and Call intervention.
<3 Stay strong
I'm so sorry. That is such a hard thing to have to be dealing with. I hope everything with your dad gets better and maybe he can find the help he needs to get over her drinking problem. You're doing the right thing by being there for him and telling him you love him. If something ever does happen to him, that doesn't mean something has to happen to you. You are a lot stronger than you think. xx
ReplyDeletemy dad isn't an alcoholic, he's just an asshole who treats my mom like shit (at least in the past). i've been wondering forever why she's with him, and i just had to let it go. it's her life as much as it hurts to watch her miserable, there's nothing i can do but move on and deal with my own shit. it'll occupy your mind but there really isn't anything to do but try to push it out. i'm sorry your holidays suck.
ReplyDeletestay strong
Oh my god, that's terrible. My legal guardian is an alcoholic, too, so I know what it's like to see someone you love drinking and not letting you stop them. It's scary. It's so hard to see someone you used to look up to enduring an addiction. I'm sorry, and I understand.
ReplyDeletehttp://coleccionistadeblogs.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Sounds awful. <3
ReplyDeletewow honey im so sorry. I mean really sorry. It's not fair that being home is stressful and that your dad cant see what its doing to you and himself. My mom is the same way drinking and pills it gets so bad the i never want to visit eventhough I love her. The only thing I can say is just remind him you love him and pray he gets better. Don't blame yourself though, its not your fault. Blaming yourself will only ruin your life. Love him and yourself..its really all anyone can ever do. xoxox missed ur posts
ReplyDelete